How can I fix who I became; I dislike who I became.?

It seems like you don't have a strong conscious(i think that's how you spell it). I would say pray. The Lord seems like he can help you. Maybe try writing a book to avoid hurting people you seem like a good writer. Or when you hurt someone, say sorry. You may not care about what you did but say sorry, i didnt mean to do that. Uhm and I hope you get better? or feel better? (trying to not make it sound like your sick)